Monday, August 29, 2011

Down and Out in Dichotomy

There’s as much pleasure here as there’s pain. There’s as much light here as there’s darkness. The rain clouds part and float toward an unsuspecting landscape. Like an elite hooker’s postcoital thighs, the streets are slippery and wet. I’m glad, today, unlike yesterday, there’s no swimming involved. In a bid to do their bit to clear the scum of the earth, the message – We’re not enough – showered loud and clear. I do what I’m told to do and I’m to keep a tab on a cop turned sleuth turned vigilante Excellency Keith – a.k.a. BZ. The kind of guy who introduces himself as the husband of a certain missus guess-who isn’t the kind I want to mess with, but. I will await the corner of my advantage and strike the blow.

What you—

What you call it. A master weds a slave you call the relationship master-slave. A slave weds a slave what you call it? I know there’s a word. That wasn’t. Stunned, I. What you call it. You’re tailing someone all along thinking you’ve got the upper hand and it turns out the guy walking in the front you’ve’bn tailing has been tailing you after all. What you call it. Happened in an instant – am facedown, a fierce gaze weighing tons drops over my shoulder. I know there’s a word. Told the bystander I slipped. Happened in a.

Rod handling, gravity defying, roof walking, diaphragm paralyzing, answers seeking Keith! Where’s she? Hang me like a flying mammal, feed me rotten grapes, agonizingly paralyze one organ of mine an hour, ask me where your soul mate is and I will tell you shit. She’s out there scheming things you and I could only faintly dream of, having made you believe she’s gone making a prick out of you. It is that or she and you are pretending not to know what’s going on making a designer cunt out of me.

I can die hands free just by holding my breath but then I’d miss those expressions I don’t want to miss, that rage or act of yours, so I don’t want to end myself. I will see how far you’d go before you break, I see that you’re already breaking, and after that…I don’t frankly know. Law-abiding, socializing, temple-going, in-law pleasing, truth-upholding all just until a week ago. Now look at you. Damaging, aimless, slipping, merciless, out of control, beast unmasked. If you’re acting, you’re very good because I cannot tell.

There’s so much pressure here as there’s rain. There’s so much fright here as there’s starkness. You needn’t seek anymore proof to conclude this state of mine is the messiest I’ve’bn in my life. Has been and will be. Keith – no fuckwit, I’ll give him that but did I mention Excellency, I take it back. Keith, Terrible Keith, Enfant Terrible Keith! I wish I fucked with someone else.

This time he—

How did I—

—get here (!)

Pregnant with pangs, proceeding a modest dose of pleasure, not dull at all, there’s so much pain. This cannot be heaven, this cannot be paradise. If it is hell if it is purgatory, why is there pleasure preceding pain? For a while there’s blinding light, now it is pitch darkness. Bit by bit, what’s left of me grows and dreads the good bits, I cannot stand both. One eating the other, I’m a conjoined ghost twin. I want something that isn’t either; that’s just one thing and one thing only. For what’sn’t, every fiber of me screams and craves. What you call it. It shines and you look up it’s there dispersing, it rains and you look up it’s there gathering. Wish I knew it – I know there’s a word.



  1. ravis mindpad Thanks for dropping by...and for your nice words

  2. My first stop here. You have a piquant way with words.  :) Enjoyed reading this submission.

  3. That sounds rather cool. (If that would make some listenable mind-altering, preferably, "light" heavy metal songs, I'm not stopping you.) Thank you, Abhinav

  4. You know, if you break up your sentences into shorter chunks, you could use them to make great song lyrics. (I think I'm going to do steal some of your posts for making heavy metal songs) Great mindmelt post again btw.


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