Monday, June 13, 2011

Lightning Up



She’s mad and she’s naked. Right beside me she sits. This is now. A headphone, an empty Gold Flake pack, a broken mirror stand, a wrist watch, a knife, a wallet, another headphone, a bowl, a Swiss-knife, an erect half-lived candle, a mobile charger, Nokia Tube, a comic book, a lighter that says Fuck Dxmxcrazy, a pendrive, a toothpaste, a mouthwash, scattered tablet foils, a Vaseline, a tray, an empty wine bottle: things that are in front of me! That was three years ago.

She’s running a fever and she’s wasted. Right behind me she lies. She’s been down with flu the last couple of days. She comes up to me and says ‘Shit.’ She hasn’t been outdoor in days and yet her hair looks windblown. She clutches her stomach, whines, and throws up on me. I’ve had this intuition for a while that she’d one day puke all over me. I bring the bowl between her mouth and my person.

She gags twice, rips her clothes off, runs and slams the door. From the balcony I watch the street, she runs amuck naked. I pinch myself and say ‘Fuck.’ I run the razor over my cheeks, take a crow bath, spray Ferrari under my armpits, search for my pressed underwear. I gather my gear and force of habit look for the lighter that’s missing. I lock the door and run the street.

The bush at the front of Ohri’s is burning. There’s a guy laid on the ground, holding his middle portion, groaning. She takes notice of me and in those eyes is not one trace of recognition. She rushes to board a bus. The conductor, taking a good look at her, refuses her entry.

She moves in circles around the near-empty bus and with her bare hands, taking a deep breath, overturns it. There’s the thud and screams that deafen my ears. Two cops struggle to cuff her hands. Before they succeed, one cop dislocates his shoulder and the other loses in a row four of his front teeth. Her hands cuffed behind, she flips the lighter over to me. I shove it in my back pocket where it always stays. She’s clothed and taken into custody.

‘It’s not you I blame…not you’ she’d say sat shoulder to shoulder in the courtyard of the House for the Severely Insane. ‘There’re people before you and around you -- your never-pleasable mother for one, then your sister, your boss, your ever-suggestive never-sympathizing colleagues, and then your ever-policing society and ever-failing democracy. My knight in shining rubber is one toy among many toys and is ever around the corner.’ She’d stroke my manhood two layers too close to skin and say ‘your high-class jeans and fancy underwear, darling, made me want to blow you very many times even when I didn’t really want to. I’ve been a bitch, sweetness, I’ve been a bitch.’

‘I could’ve castrated that man balls and all but I didn’t do it and didn’t want to’ she’d say, and start weeping. When she weeps nothing in the world can console her and she keeps weeping hours together until her tear ducts themselves run dry. She’s escaped from here umpteen number of times -- each time causing significant havoc. She’d say ‘you lock up people who’re sane so that you, the insane, could roam the streets scot-free.’

‘When I’m clothed it makes me want to put my fingers through my chest, grab that heart of mine and squeeze it to dryness, and you know I have that beastly strength in me to do that and much more. It takes great effort to rip just my clothes off. When I do that, I’m free and then I want to burn this world down -- dust to dust ashes to ashes.’ ‘You never smoked except drink wine and beer, I never drank except smoke and hookah, and I thought we’d make a perfect couple. How wrong was I. It’s not you, honey, it’s the world. I love the way how you carry the lighter even after all these years. You knew I always forgot mine.’ I’d say ‘force of habit, sweet, force of habit.’

She’s mad and she’s naked. Right beside me she sits. It’s now. No one in the bus daren’t look this way. I haven’t a clue how she escaped this time and whether she tracked me or found me by chance. I tried to clothe her with my wardrobe, she twisted my wrist and it still aches. Her mons pubis is a forest and her cleft is perfectly hidden. Her breasts sag and nipples erect. Her head leans over my shoulder and I hear her say ‘Lighter.’ Without a trace of hesitation, my hand reaches my back pocket.





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